Recovery

Now that I am officially done my third and hopefully final round of chemo it is time for me to step up and take my life back. The only problem is I don't know where to begin. I need to make my body strong and my nutrition as good as I can to help my body begin to heal and recover because after seeing the tears of joy run down my son's face and look of pure happiness on all of my kids faces when I said I was done chemo I know I can't put them through that again. The challenge is that I no longer know my body. In fact I feel like I am stuck in a 90 year old woman's body. My strong little ninja self was poisoned to death by chemo. As I have said in the past I have always worked out so not feeling strong and able is new to me. Yes I have felt uncomfortable in my own skin many times but that had more to do with my mindset then my actual physical health. It's not about feeling confident in a bikini (although that is a perk) it's about being healthy, energized, motivated, strong and having enough stamina to do more then walk up the steps without being winded. I want to be able to play with my kids and enjoy the things they like to do that have taken a backseat over this past year. Maybe even teach them a thing or two about being healthy and active. If I was rich I wold hire a personal trainer/ physical therapist, life coach and nutristionist who could work with a chef to create all my meals. Since that's not going to happen I need to become all those things myself. I don't want to feel like my old self I want to feel like a new improved version of myself because I can NOT let my kids down after all I have put them through or myself down because this part of my journey rest on my shoulders rather then a medication, a treatment plan or a Doctor. It's not going to be easy and I could use any tips or suggestions that anyone reading this post has.

Got sleep?

   One symptom of Lupus that people often forget about is insomnia. It seems that even though a lot of people with Lupus experience severe fatigue unfortunately they may also experience insomnia..cruel. I myself just came out of three days with NO SLEEP. My body hurt from head to toe and I was so tired I couldn't move without grunting. This is real insomnia not the kind that only allows a few hours of sleep here and there or the kind that happens when you don't fall asleep right away. You really do feel and look like a zombie. My insomnia and overall Lupus symptoms are often turned up a few knotches when I am feeling stressed. Stress the thing that a majority of people deal with on a daily basis and all of our Doctors tell us to avoid for health reasons. If you have Lupus those health reasons are pretty important but a life without stress is pretty hard to come by. So "Don't stress" is what many of you are thinking but remember that is easier said then done. I am a married mother of three children and I wouldn't change that for all the money in the world but it can be stressful. So if you add the everyday stress triggers of someone with Lupus  plus the everyday stress triggers of being a Mom, wife, human, etc... You can see the dilemma. I am the person who doesn't just lay down at night and relax. I make lists in my head and worry about some of the silliest things (they don't seem silly when I am wide awake bug eyed like an owl). May is a crazy month for our family with lots of things going on which means lots of late night lists and random thoughts to keep my mind busy, eyes open and stress level rising. Stress Is a part of most people's  life and at times overwhelming for some of us. For those of us with Lupus it can really take it's toll on your body and your mind. I have tried everything from yoga to medication to help but I am still searching for something that will work for me because stressing about not sleeping and not sleeping because of stress is not something I would like to lose sleep over (see what I did there that was insomnia humor).