Highlighter's From Heaven

I have an addiction to makeup as most of you know but the makeup I am most addicted to is highlighters. I have so many that if I never bought another one for my entire life I would still have plenty. I have them in many different formulas, colors, price points and level of highlight. They are my favorite makeup product to play with and make myself look  dewy and fresh or like a glowing goddess and even full on shine like diamond that can be seen from space. Most makeup companies have some type of highlighter in their lines, from drugstore to high end so there a lot of options out there. My recent favorite is from Cover FX and it is called Custom Enhancer drops. There are six shades in all with 4 being highlighters and 2 bronzing shades. They are packaged in a glass jar with a dropper dispenser which is great because when I say you need a tiny drop, I really mean a TINY drop. They are like liquid metal and blend out beautifully over and under makeup or even mixed in with your favorite foundation or base. The formula is unlike any highlighter I have used in my life. They are definitely game changers when it comes to highlighting products. My favorites are Celestial (lightest shade with pink/silver) and Moonstone (second lightest shade more of a pink/champagne color). As most of you know Cover FX  is a gluten free brand and clearly labels their products gluten free (all other makeup companies take note). The Custom Enhancer drops are selling like crazy so if you are in search of a new highlighter I would go online and pick up your favorite at Sephora or on Cover FX's website. Happy Highlighting!!

Triggers

Many people ask me about having Celiac disease and Lupus my entire life and why I didn't show symptoms until my 20's. The thing about auto immune diseases is they can be dormant in a way that leaves you with no symptoms whatsoever. Then when your body goes through a trauma the disease can be triggered. Trauma can be anything from a severe case of the flu or pneumonia, a bad car accident, or even the welcomed trauma of giving birth (the baby is welcome but all the changes your body goes through can be very traumatic process for your body), etc... I went through a very traumatic experience when I started showing signs of Celiac disease but never knew that my experience triggered my symptoms and the disease itself. We know all these different things like stress, a bad diet and lack of excersize can cause major health problems both mentally and physically. They are triggers for many diseases even if you are not predisposed to them. An auto immune disease can hide itself for many years until it decides to stick it's menacing face out when you already down for the count dealing with something else. It kind of kicks you when you are down. Does that mean I could have prevented getting Lupus or Celiac disease if I wouldn't gone through such a traumatic experience? No, because something else would have just brought it on. It could have been something as simple as catching a bad stomach bug. 

Purple hair Don't Care

   It's been almost a full year for me and my unconventional hair color. I colored my hair purple because I assumed the chemo would make my hair fall out so why not go big or go home! I have been pretty much every shade of purple you can imagine but my favorite is my pastel lavender hair. People always ask me questions about my hair so here are the deets some of my favorite products to use. 

   First off if you have dark hair you need to have a PROFESSIONAL bleach your hair. I have very dark hair and it took a few times for my hairdresser to get my hair light enough (this was before olaplex). Don't let your friend who is good at doing hair bleach your hair. Just don't. As for the color there are many options out there right now but  I am going to tell you about two products you can purchase yourself rather then products you have to be a professional to buy. The first product is a semi-perm hair dye that I love and that you can purchase online from a brand called Arctic Fox. Arctic Fox is gluten free, cruelty free and a percentage of their sales goes to helping animals. The color selection and color combos are the best I have seen and they just keep coming out with more, plus you can mix them together or dilute them with their white color (Arctic Mist) and get your own custom color. Another great thing about their color line is it does not transfer. Which if you have ever had a funky color in your hair you will know is huge! I have lost so many pillowcases to hair color in the past. Did I mention all their colors smell like a grape candy? When you receive it in the mail you are going to think someone sent you a yummy treat. Right now I am using a small amount of Purple Rain and Virgin Pink with a lot of Arctic Mist because the colors are ao pigmented that just adding a small amount to the white gives me the pastel shade I am looking for. If I want it to be more purple I add more. It's best to add a little at a time and mix it up to see what color you get because the color in the bowl is going to be the color of your hair as long as you have your hair bleached to a light enough blonde. The color is not damaging at all so you don't have to worry about using color right after bleaching.

  Another product that has saved me from having to touch up my color all the time is from oVertone. Overtone is a line of conditioners that deposit color to your hair and actually let you rinse with warm water! In the past I have just added a small amount of color to my regular conditioner and rinsed with cold water to help maintain my color but I don't think it really did anything but these conditioners are no joke. They have deep weekly hair conditioners and everyday conditioners in many shades my favorite obviously being pastel purple. I would want to use these conditioners even if they didn't do a thing for my color because they really work well and make your hair feel and look healthy but the fact that they DO make such a difference and let me keep my hair color from fading  makes them a must have for me.

This is me Now

   I get asked a lot about how I am doing these days so I figured I would do a quick update post. I am still on my oral chemo meds but off the intorovenus version so that has been a huge relief. I wish I could say I am exactly where I expected to be on my road to recovery but I am not. I am still exhausted a lot of the time which is normal but I would like it to go away..now. I find it's best for me to do fun stuff with the kids one day and then the next we just stay home and take it easy otherwise I end up not only exhausted but sick and in pain as well. I have had a few set backs and I am still in the process of learning how to take care of myslef and get myslef healthy because the last thing I want to do is start this process all over agiain and that's what I have been told will need to happen if I don't do what I need to on my end. As you know I am a mother of three, a wife, daughter, sister, Aunt, friend, etc.. So following the doctors orders when it comes to avoiding stress and putting my health first is not exactly something that comes natural to me but I am trying! My kids are ready for me to be 100 percent and honestly so am I. I wish I could speed up the process but that seems to only backfire every time I try so I am trying to take it slow. Summer is my favorite time of year and since we only get it for a few months (if that) I want to be outside or at the beach as much as possible but unfortunately I can't quite do that yet but we will be going on vacation soon so I am counting down the days and praying I have enough strength to enjoy it with my family. I never thought I would be worried about having enough energy to enjoy the beach with my kids. People tell me I look like I am doing good ( except my family they can tell when I am sick even though I try to hide it) and I smile and nod my head because I am doing good. I am not sitting in a hospital so to me that's good. I have someone who is making me meals to help me get my nutrion on track which is a big help. I am still struggling with figuring out how to get my energy and muscle back so I don't feel like I am 100 years old without overdoing it. Luckily the kids are out of school and that motivates me to want to be as active as I can be to make sure that they have a good summer.

Recovery

Now that I am officially done my third and hopefully final round of chemo it is time for me to step up and take my life back. The only problem is I don't know where to begin. I need to make my body strong and my nutrition as good as I can to help my body begin to heal and recover because after seeing the tears of joy run down my son's face and look of pure happiness on all of my kids faces when I said I was done chemo I know I can't put them through that again. The challenge is that I no longer know my body. In fact I feel like I am stuck in a 90 year old woman's body. My strong little ninja self was poisoned to death by chemo. As I have said in the past I have always worked out so not feeling strong and able is new to me. Yes I have felt uncomfortable in my own skin many times but that had more to do with my mindset then my actual physical health. It's not about feeling confident in a bikini (although that is a perk) it's about being healthy, energized, motivated, strong and having enough stamina to do more then walk up the steps without being winded. I want to be able to play with my kids and enjoy the things they like to do that have taken a backseat over this past year. Maybe even teach them a thing or two about being healthy and active. If I was rich I wold hire a personal trainer/ physical therapist, life coach and nutristionist who could work with a chef to create all my meals. Since that's not going to happen I need to become all those things myself. I don't want to feel like my old self I want to feel like a new improved version of myself because I can NOT let my kids down after all I have put them through or myself down because this part of my journey rest on my shoulders rather then a medication, a treatment plan or a Doctor. It's not going to be easy and I could use any tips or suggestions that anyone reading this post has.

Got sleep?

   One symptom of Lupus that people often forget about is insomnia. It seems that even though a lot of people with Lupus experience severe fatigue unfortunately they may also experience insomnia..cruel. I myself just came out of three days with NO SLEEP. My body hurt from head to toe and I was so tired I couldn't move without grunting. This is real insomnia not the kind that only allows a few hours of sleep here and there or the kind that happens when you don't fall asleep right away. You really do feel and look like a zombie. My insomnia and overall Lupus symptoms are often turned up a few knotches when I am feeling stressed. Stress the thing that a majority of people deal with on a daily basis and all of our Doctors tell us to avoid for health reasons. If you have Lupus those health reasons are pretty important but a life without stress is pretty hard to come by. So "Don't stress" is what many of you are thinking but remember that is easier said then done. I am a married mother of three children and I wouldn't change that for all the money in the world but it can be stressful. So if you add the everyday stress triggers of someone with Lupus  plus the everyday stress triggers of being a Mom, wife, human, etc... You can see the dilemma. I am the person who doesn't just lay down at night and relax. I make lists in my head and worry about some of the silliest things (they don't seem silly when I am wide awake bug eyed like an owl). May is a crazy month for our family with lots of things going on which means lots of late night lists and random thoughts to keep my mind busy, eyes open and stress level rising. Stress Is a part of most people's  life and at times overwhelming for some of us. For those of us with Lupus it can really take it's toll on your body and your mind. I have tried everything from yoga to medication to help but I am still searching for something that will work for me because stressing about not sleeping and not sleeping because of stress is not something I would like to lose sleep over (see what I did there that was insomnia humor).

Could Be Worse

    People always ask me how I am doing and I always give the response of "okay" because honestly I don't want to sound like someone who feels bad for myself when I know there are people living with much harder things then Celiacs, Lupus and a damaged pancreas. Then there are those times when someone responds to my illness like it's no big deal and tell me things like " I know so many people with your exact same health problems and they are fine." or they tell me stories of how worse off someone they know is and act like I have a cold. I know how hard it is to understand since there are so many misconceptions about Autoimmune diseases and the toll it takes on your body, mind and spirit. Everyone is different and symptoms and treatments and how your body reacts to them is different for everyone. I have heard many times over the last year about people who worked the entire time they were doing chemo and that is great for them but for me my brain can't even process how that's even possible. No Doctor can predict how you will react to treatment or what your symptoms will be like in the future. I am 35 and as I have said before my medical records are as thick as a dictionary and at first glance must look like they belong to someone who is elderly and led a very unhealthy lifestyle. It has been a year since I have really worked out and I actually long for those days now of feeling strong and healthy. I would rather spend my money on a trainer and a gym pass then pay for my body to be poisoned to the point of no energy or strength left in it. Heck I would rather spend on a vacation or just about anything at this point but that would get me nowhere except stuck in a hospital or worse. As much as I hate chemo, medicine, hospitals, etc... I know that when this is done I will love all of those things because they are what will give me back my life. Some people don't get that chance for whatever reason and they are the reason I say I am "okay."